Hi, I think we know each other well enough to introduce myself, considering I have been standing back here with my basket for around 20 minutes now.
No? Ok….sorry, I’m taking away from your time of arguing with the poor sod at the till…it doesn’t matter; I’m enjoying reading all the headlines of the newspapers anyway. After all who knew Gavin Henson was the love child of Morph and Fabio. That information will serve me well next time I’m playing poker with the guys.
Obviously I didn’t need to read that headline god knows how many times, it sunk in after the 7th time. I’m enjoying myself immensely and not at all considering ways to kill you with today’s Daily Star. However, I am wondering why an 85-year-old women needs with all them hair nets and dog food?
Now please don’t get me wrong; I’m on your side. You do deserve that 2p of each tin, that’s a 38p saving after all. Thank you for giving me something to do while I wait a life time for you to sort out all the vouchers you’ve collected, what exactly will you be doing with that 38p exactly? Well I’m sure with your superb skills of collecting money off vouchers you will find something to spend it on and with any luck, I’ll be the guy behind you in the queue when you do.
Oh, fantastic news! You’re sending your pal to check the price on the bottle of blue rinse hair dye that you decided to not to check when you were in that aisle!! Just what I wanted, more quality time to stand around looking awkwardly at each other, rolling our eyes and tutting. Please don’t explain that you think it might be buy-one-get-one-free in regards to the aforementioned hair dye, I really don’t care, I didn’t care when you shouted it to your pal for the 3rd time and I don’t care now. Speaking of your pal, is her hearing aid working ok?
“Yes, you are right; customer service isn’t what it used to be”
“Children did used to respect their elders” (though I’m starting to see why they don’t)
“I know, when did young women decide it was appropriate to show as much as possible on a night out”
“Oh you have 7 grandchildren”
“Yes, your pal is taking her time”
While we’re at it “Wasn’t it so much better when it was dinosaurs roamed the planet and your only worry was that flaming spot in the sky was getting closer or not?”
…
Finally!! Your friend is back, I know lets open this crate to celebrate. By all means, get back to sorting through your piles of vouchers.
Ahhhh, she has one’s for the wrong store (we were in Nisa, she had some for Tesco) would it be easier if I just gave you 38p? No, of course not. A penny saved is a penny earned… tediously.
A number has finally been registered on the till; it appears our time together is nearly at a close. Don’t run off though, I think I now qualify for my pension now and I’m sure you have plenty of advice on what I can claim.
The grand total is £12.58…..of course “HOW MUCH!”… “Things were never this price when I was growing up”. Yeah I’m sure the guy behind the till added it up wrong too. I’m pretty sure he has one of those new-fangled machines that do the math for him, but go ahead go through the receipt line by line as if it were a mortgage agreement. I don’t have to be anywhere, so take as long as you need and certainly don’t worry about the 9 people behind me; we’re all rooting for you.
You know, I’m pretty sure there’s not a trophy or anything for having exact change. Just give him that extra pound to make it £13.00, No…. Ok, there is two 20p…. Just give him…give him the 10p…yes count out eight pennies…there’s a 5p, 5p right there, under the….
Fuck it. I’m stealing this.
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